Numbness

You dont know what its like to be lonely untill you are stuck inside your head and even the pain can’t make you feel anything .. thats the kind of numb you become when you’ve had enough… thats what you get for being so lonely that not even a single soul can pull you out of that trance..
Its not about physically being alone… You can be alone in a crowd too, you can be lonely when you smile at people who pass you by but never see the pain you hide behind those shades inside the now dull lifeless eyes…

Its like you are living a lie and there is absolutely nothing you can do to take the numbness away… And thats when you realise, the pain will still be there and no matter what you do it will hurt but you still will feel numb … Absolutely nothingly numb.

My form of escape…

The mundane life that we humans lived was always too boring for me. So growing up, I learned a lot of things, first being handling my temper into something productive . So I started writing. I may not be a good writer, or even a good person but I knew I had to start somewhere if I had to remain sane. I started journaling, started writing poems then started singing them. I know its weird when you think of it, but I was 11 and I had no clue the world was this vast place where so many talents existed. To say I am sheltered would be an understatement. I have been raised in a controlled environment. I know some might wonder how did you express yourself? Well the thing is, I never did, not until now. Not until I let my soul wander free. I don’t travel a lot but I know for a fact that travelling frees the soul and sets the mind in peace. Every place I’ve been to, every corner, every nook, every cranny has inspired me to write. Every time I’ve written I’ve felt more closer to myself. Every instance, every character is a part of me and they all exist within me. And to be honest I don’t think being a doctor, which by the way is the career I am actually pursuing, is my calling. Being among people, finding stories in the smallest whims and most of all exploring, is my calling. But you know what I tell myself every single day, ”get up, study, sleep, repeat.” Yeah that’s my life in one sentence.

So, to escape the whole boring sentence my life has made for me. My brain created a hypothetical situation where I live every life I dream of. These lives, I portray in the stories I write and the characters are the part of me that I have suppressed or want to be.

You see, there is a part of us that we keep hidden from everyone. We shelter it not letting anyone see it, that is our vulnerability, our weakness. Humans, in general, do not show any sign of weakness to the people the meet unless they’re put in the spot. Well that’s my opinion, not everyone is hiding their feelings. My point being that you should do kind things to everyone, especially yourself. Find your calling. Find out what makes you feel so attached to yourself, you couldn’t even let go if your life depended on it. And for sometime during the hectic weeks of whatever you might do, give yourself time. It does help, a lot.8